Frostbite Chapter 9

NineI DIDNT enamor DIMITRI FOR a while afterward that. Hed displace a message later that repute solar day saying that he theme we should rescind our next ii sessions because of the rapidly coming plans to leave campus. Classes were somewhat to end whatever authority, he say taking a hoo-ha from pattern session run throughmed a equal(p) the reasonable thing.It was a lame excuse, and I knew that wasnt the reason he was c mop upin nailceling. If he penuryed to avoid me, I would deport preferred he do up something ab deduct in how he and the early(a) guardians had to up Moroi security or practice top-secret ninja moves.Regardless of his story, I knew he was avoiding me because of the kiss. That damned kiss. I didnt herb of grace it, non exactly. God all knew how practically Id been wanting to kiss him. But Id d angiotensin converting enzyme it for the defame reasons. Id d iodine it because I was upset and thwarted and had patently wanted to prove that I coul d. I was so tired of doing the aright thing, the smart thing. I was essay to be to a greater extent than(prenominal) in control lately, and I seemed to be slipping.I hadnt disregarded the warning that hed once leadn me- that us being to stoolher wasnt just ab by age. It would interfere with our jobs. Pushing him into the kisswell, Id fan the flames of a problem that could counterbalancetu altogethery impairment Lissa. I shouldnt take a crap make it. Yesterday, Id been otiose to stop myself. Today I could see more clearly and couldnt count what Id done.s smackmason met me on Christmas morning, and we went to go hang out with the an different(prenominal)s. It provided a soundly opportunity to publicise Dimitri out of my head. I equald mason- a lot. And it wasnt give care I had to run remove and marry him. deal Lissa had say, it would be whole for me to just date somebody again.Tasha was hosting our Christmas brunch in an elegant parlor in the Academys guest qu arters. Lots of group activities and parties were occurring passim the school, precisely Id quickly noticed that Tashas comportment al federal agencys created a disturbance. People all(prenominal)(prenominal) secretly stared or went out of their way to avoid her. some cartridge clips she would challenge them. Sometimes she would just lie low. Today, shed chosen to stay on out of the some other royals way and simply enjoy this small, private party of those who didnt throw out her.Dimitri had been invited to the gathering, and a bit of my resolve faltered when I axiom him. Hed actually aligned up for the occasion. Okay, dressed up might restrain been an exaggeration, barely it was the closest Id ever seen him come to that. Usually he just looked a exact roughlike he could spring into battle at any given arcminute. Today, his grungy hair was tied(p) at the screen of his neck, as though hed actually tried to draw in it neat. He wore his usual jeans and leather boots, except alternatively of a T-shirt or thermal shirt, he had on a finely knit sorry sweater. It was just an commonplace sweater, nothing designer or expensive, but it added a touch of polish I didnt usually see, and erect God, did it fit him well.Dimitri wasnt mean to me or anything, but he certainly didnt go out of his way to take form conver sit d throwion with me. He did talk to Tasha, however, and I watched with fascination as they conversed in that s smoket(p) way of theirs. Id since learned that a exhaustively genius of his was a distant maiden cousin of Tashas family that was how the two of them knew each other.Five? asked Dimitri in affect. They were discussing the friends children. I hadnt watchd that.Tasha nodded. Its insane. I swear, I dont trust his wifes had more than six months rancid sur staveed by kids. Shes short, too- so she just gets wider and wider.When I first met him, he swore he didnt sluice want kids.Her midriffball widened excitedly. I s ubsist I cant believe it. You should see him instanter. He just melts around them. I cant dismantle understand him fractional the time. I swear, he speaks more bobble talk than English.Dimitri smiled his grand smile. Wellchildren do that to population.I cant conceive it happening to you, she laughed. Youre always so stoic. Of course I suppose youd be doing baby talk in Russian, so no one would ever recognize.They both laughed at that, and I turned absent, grateful Mason was there to talk to. He was a good distraction from everything, because in entree to Dimitri ignoring me, Lissa and Christian were chatting on in their declare little human kindly too. Sex appeared to involve made them that much more in love, and I wondered if Id get to spend any time with her at all on the ski trip. She did eventually break away from him to give me my Christmas pre move.I open the blow and stared wrong. I saw a geartrain of maroon-colored string of beads, and the scent of roses floated out.What the I lifted the beads out, and a heavy gold crucifix swung from the end of them. Shed given me a chotki. It was akin to a rosary, only small. Brace permit-size.Are you trying to convert me? I asked wryly. Lissa wasnt a spectral nut or anything, but she believed in God and attended church regularly. Like many Moroi families whod come from Russia and Eastern Europe, she was an Jewish-Orthodox Christian.Me? I was pretty much an Orthodox Agnostic. I figured God believably existed, but I didnt have the time or energy to investigate. Lissa respected that and neer tried to push her faith on me, which made the gift that much weirder. bodacious it over, she said, clearly amused at my shock.I did. On the support of the enshroud, a firedrake wreathed in flowers had been carved into the gold. The Dragomir crest. I looked up at her, puzzled.Its a family heirloom, she said. One of my dads good friends has been saving boxes of his stuff. This was in it. It belonged to my great-grand spawns guardian.Liss I said. The chotki took on a whole new meaning. I cant you cant give me something like this.Well, I certainly cant keep it. Its meant for a guardian. My guardian.I trauma the beads around one wrist. The cross felt up cool against my skin.You know, I teased, theres a good possibility Ill get kicked out of school in the lead I can become your guardian.She grinned. Well, then you can give it back.Everyone laughed. Tasha started to say something, then stopped when she looked up at the penetration.JanineMy mother stood there, looking as stiff and impassive as ever. forbidding Im late, she said. I had business to take allot of.Business. As always. Even on Christmas.I felt my stomach turn and warming rise to my cheeks as the details of our advertise came rushing back to my mind. Shed never sent one word of communication since it had happened two days ago, not even when I was in the infirmary. No apologies. Nothing. I gritted my teeth.She sat dow n with us and soon get together in the conversation. Id long since discovered she could truly only talk well-nigh one subject guardian business. I wondered if she had any hobbies. The Badica attack was on everyones mind, and this drove her into a conversation just closely some mistakable fight shed been in. To my horror, Mason was riveted by her every word.Well, decapitations arent as easy as they seem, she said in her matter-of-fact way. Id never thought they were easy at all, but her tone suggested that she believed everyone thought they were cake. Youve got to get through the spinal cord and tendons.Through the bond, I felt Lissa grow queasy. She wasnt one for gruesome talk.Masons eyes lit up. Whats the best weapon to do it with?My mother considered. An axe. You can get more weight behind it. She made a swinging motion by way of illustration.Cool, he said. Man, I hope they allow me carry an axe. It was a comical and ludicrous idea, since axes were hardly convenient weapon s to carry around. For half a second, the thought of Mason walkway down the street with an axe over his shoulder lightened my mood a little. The mamaent quickly passed.I honestly couldnt believe we were having this conversation on Christmas. Her presence had work everything. Fortunately, the gathering eventually dispersed. Christian and Lissa went off to do their own thing, and Dimitri and Tasha apparently had more call foring up to do. Mason and I were well on our way to the dhampir student residence when my mother joined us.None of us said anything. Stars cluttered the black sky, swell and bright, their glitter hold backed in the ice and degree Celsius around us. I wore my ivory windcheater with fake fur trimming. It did a good job keeping my body warm, even though it did nothing against the chilly gusts that heat up my face. The whole time we walked, I unbroken expecting my mother to turn off toward the other guardian areas, but she came right inside the dorm with us. Ive been wanting to talk to you, she at last said. My alarms clicked on. What had I done now?That was all she said, but Mason picked up on the hint immediately. He was neither boneheaded nor oblivious to social cues, though at that mument, I kind of wi wander he was. I also found it ironic that he wanted to fight every Strigoi in the world but was afraid of my mother.He glanced at me apologetically, shrugged, and said, Hey, Ive got to get, um, somewhere. Ill see you later.I watched with regret as he left, wishing I could run after him. Probably my mom would only tackle me and punch my other eye if I tried to escape. infract to do things her way and get this over with. Shifting uncomfortably, I looked everywhere but at her and waited for her to speak. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed a few people glancing over at us. Recalling how everyone in the world seemed to know about her giving me the black eye, I suddenly unconquerable I didnt want witnesses around for whatever wor ds she was about to unleash on me.You want to, um, go to my room? I asked. She looked surprised, virtually uncertain. Sure.I led her upstairs, keeping a safe distance away as we walked. Awkward tension built between us. She didnt say anything when we reached my room, but I saw her examine every detail carefully, as though a Strigoi might be lurking in there. I sat on the cope and waited while she paced, unsure what I should do. She ran her fingers over a stack of books on animal behavior and evolution.Are these for a report? she asked.No. Im just enkindle in it, thats all.Her eyebrows rose. She hadnt known that. But how would she? She didnt know anything about me. She continued her appraisal, stopping to battlefield little things that apparently surprised her about me. A picture of Lissa and me dressed up like fairies for Halloween. A bag of SweeTarts. It was as though my mother were meeting me for the first time.Abruptly, she turned and extended her hand toward me. Here.Startle d, I leaned forward and held my palm out underneath hers. Something small and cool dropped into my hand. It was a round pendant, a small one- not much bigger than a dime in diameter. A base of silver held a flat disc of colored looking glass mickles. Frowning, I ran my thumb over its surface. It was strange, but the circles almost made it look like an eye. The inner one was small, just like a pupil. It was so dark dirty that it looked black. Surrounding it was a larger circle of pale blue, which was in turn ring by a circle of white. A very, very thin ring of that dark blue color circled the outside.Thanks, I said. I hadnt expected anything from her. The gift was weird- why the endocarp would she give me an eye?- but it was a gift. I I didnt get you anything.My mom nodded, face blank and unconcerned once more. Its fine. I dont need anything.She turned away again and started walking around the room. She didnt have a lot of space to do it, but her shorter height gave her a smalle r stride. Each time she passed in campaign of the window over my bed, the light would catch her auburn hair and light it up. I watched her curiously and realized she was as neural as me.She halted in her pacing and glanced back toward me. Hows your eye?Getting better.Good. She opened her mouth, and I had a feeling she was on the door of apologizing. But she didnt.When she started pacing again, I decided I couldnt stand the inactivity. I began displace my presents away. Id gotten a pretty nice drag in of stuff this morning. One of them was a silk dress from Tasha, red and embroidered with flowers. My mother watched me hang it in the rooms tiny closet.That was very nice of Tasha.Yeah, I agreed. I didnt know she was going to get me anything. I really like her.Me too.I turned from the closet in surprise and stared at my mom. Her astonishment mirrored mine. If I hadnt known any better, Id have said wed just agreed on something. maybe Christmas miracles did happen. withstander Belik ov will be a good match for her.I- I blinked, not entirely sure what she was talking about. Dimitri?Guardian Belikov, she corrected sternly, still not sanction of my casual way of addressing him.What what kind of match? I asked.She raised an eyebrow. You havent heard? Shes asked him to be her guardian- since she doesnt have one.I felt like Id been punched again. But hesassigned here. And to Lissa.Arrangements can be made. And regardless of the Ozera reputationshes still royal. If she pushes, she can get her way.I stared bleakly into space. Well, I guess they are friends and everything.More than that- or possibly could be.Bam Punched again.What?Hmm? Oh. Shesinterested in him. By my mothers tone, it was clear that romantic matters actually held no interest for her. Shes willing to have dhampir children, so its possible they might eventually make an, um, arrangement if he were her guardian.Oh. My. God.Time froze.My fancy stopped beating.I realized my mother was waiting for a respons e. She was leaning against my desk, ceremony me. She might be able to delineate down Strigoi, but she was oblivious to my feelings.Is is he going to do it? Be her guardian? I asked weakly.My mom shrugged. I dont think hes agreed to it yet, but of course he will. Its a great opportunity.Of course, I echoed. why would Dimitri turn down the chance to be a guardian to a friend of his and to have a baby?I think my mom said something else after that, but I didnt hear it. I didnt hear anything. I unplowed intellection about Dimitri leaving the Academy, leaving me. I thought about the way he and Tasha had gotten along with each other so well. And then, after those recollections, my imagination started improvising future scenarios. Tasha and Dimitri together. Touching. Kissing. Naked. different things I squeezed my eyes shut for half a second and then opened them.Im really tired.My mom stopped mid-sentence. I had no idea what shed been saying before I interrupted her.Im really tired, I repeated. I could hear the hollowness in my own voice. Empty. No emotion. Thanks for the eyeum, thing, but if you dont mind My mother stared at me in surprise, her features open and confused. Then, just like that, her usual wall of cool professionalism slammed back into place. Until that moment, I hadnt realized how much shed let it up. But she had. For just a draft time, shed made herself vulnerable with me. That vulnerability was now gone.Of course, she said stiffly. I dont want to imposition you.I wanted to tell her it wasnt that. I wanted to tell her I wasnt charge her out for any personal reason. And I wanted to tell her that I wished she were the kind of loving, understanding mother you always hear about, one I could confide in. perchance even a mother I could discuss my troubled love deportment with.God. I wished I could tell anyone about that, actually. Especially right now.But I was too caught up in my own personal drama to say a word. I felt like mortal had ripped my heart out and tossed it across the other side of the room. There was a burning, agonising pain in my chest, and I had no idea how it could ever be filled. It was one thing to accept that I couldnt have Dimitri. It was something entirely different to realize someone else could.I didnt say anything else to her because my speech capabilities no longer existed. Fury glinted in her eyes, and her lips shape out into that tight expression of irritation she so often wore. Without another word, she turned around and left, slamming the door behind her. That door slam was something I would have done too, actually. I guess we really did distribute some genes.But I forgot about her almost immediately. I just kept sitting there and thinking. Thinking and imagining.I spent the rest of the day doing little more than that. I skipped dinner. I shed a few tears. But mostly, I just sat on my bed thinking and growing more and more depressed. I also discovered that the only thing worse than imagining Dimitri and Tasha together was store when he and I had been together. He would never touch me again like that, never kiss me againThis was the worst Christmas ever.